It's not the fight, It's the repair
A Mini Course for Couples Who Keep Having the Same Fight - and Want to Finally Break the Cycle
You're not failing because you fight
You're here because your heart has been in survival mode for a while now.
Because the same fights keep happening. Because the disconnection feels heavier each time. Because you're not sure how much more distance you can take before something breaks for good.
And maybe you've been asking yourself:
Why does it always come back to the same fight?Ā Why does everything feel so fragile after conflictĀ Are we even okay?
Here's what we need you to hear: Fighting doesn't mean your relationship is doomed. It doesn't mean you picked the wrong person.Ā It means you hit something real. Something raw. Something that probably goes way back to younger parts of you that never learned what repair looks like.
If no one ever showed you how to come back together after things get messy, of course this part feels hard. Maybe even impossible.
That makes complete sense.
Special Offer: $47 (Full value $97)
YES, GIVE ME INSTANT ACCESS FOR $47
The real problem isn't the conflict. It's what happens after
Most couples don't just have a lot of fights. They have the same fight over and over againālike a rerun with different costumes.
Today it's about the unanswered text. Tomorrow it's about parenting or dinner plans. But the pattern underneath? It stays the same.
Because here's the truth most of us were never taught:
Conflict isn't the enemy. The unrepaired rupture is.
When you don't know how to repair, emotional pain doesn't just fade with time. It lingers. It builds. It turns into:
- Stonewalling and shutdown
- Sarcasm that cuts deeper than you mean it to
- Walking on eggshells while pretending nothing happened
- Feeling invisible, unheard, dismissed - again
- Wondering if you're asking for too much or giving too much
And underneath all of it?
Two nervous systems trying desperately to protect themselves from feeling that old, familiar pain: I don't matter. I'm too much. I'll never be enough. I'm always alone in this.
The argument about the text? It's not really about the text.
It's about the part of you that got left waiting as a kid. The part that still carries the story: Again, I don't matter.
And maybe your partner's story sounds like: I can never do enough. I'm always in trouble. I'm such a failure.
So their protection kicks in. They shut down. Get logical. Act like they don't care, even though they do.
And suddenly, it's not just a disagreement.
It's two nervous systems fighting for survival.
What if you could interrupt the cycle before it hijacks both of you?
Here's the thing about repair: It doesn't have to wait until after the blowup.
It can start duringĀ or even beforeĀ when one of you notices: Oh, here it comes. I can feel myself shutting down. I can feel the part of me that gets loud when I'm scared.
YES, GIVE ME INSTANT ACCESS FOR $47The pause? That's where the power is
Most couples don't need more communication tips. They need to understand why they're reacting the way they do and how to come back to each other even when it's messy.
They need to learn:
- How to name the part that's activated instead of speaking through it
- How to soothe their nervous system before their words get flooded
- How to speak for the tender part underneath, not the protector on top
- How to use repair language that actually lands (not performative apologies that don't heal anything)
- How to map their specific conflict cycle so they can see it coming and choose differently
Repair isn't about perfection. It's about presence.
It's about saying: Even when things are hard, I still choose you. I still want to come close again.
Introducing: It's Not the Fight, It's the Repair
A trauma-informed mini course that teaches you how to stop the cycle and start repairing together.
This isn't another "say these exact lines" script that feels fake and forced.
This is about learning how to show up softer after things get messy. How to build the kind of repair that creates safety, not performance.
Over three modules (plus a welcome and closing video), we'll walk you through:
Module 1: What Fighting Really Means and Why You're Stuck in the Same Loop
- Why conflict isn't the problem (and what actually is)
- The pursue-withdraw cycle that keeps you spinning
- How to identify your protective responses and the younger parts driving them
- Three tools to interrupt the cycle: Pause and name the part, soothe before you speak, and speak for the part (not through it)
You'll learn: The real reason you keep fighting the same fight and how to start shifting the pattern from the inside out.
Module 2: What Repair Actually Looks Like (and Why It Feels So Hard)
- Redefining repair: It's not about winning or being "right" it's about emotional attunement
- Why repair can feel awkward, scary, or impossible (and why that's not your fault)
- The Repair Triangle: A simple 3-part framework for coming back together (Responsibility, Empathy, Reconnection)
- Repair language that lands vs. phrases that shut connection down
- How to honor your nervous system firstĀ because you can't repair when you're flooded
You'll learn: Exactly what to say (and how to say it) so repair feels real, not performative and how to build safety, not shame.
Module 3: Mapping Your Cycle Where Repair Actually Begins
- How to map your specific conflict pattern so you can see it before it hijacks you
- The 5-step cycle mapping practice: Identify your protective response, track your body, meet the younger part, challenge the story, and connect the dots
- How to pause during conflict (not just after) and say, "I feel myself shutting down. Can we slow this down?"
- Why awareness is the first move toward freedom and how to use it to choose connection over protection
You'll learn: How to recognize your cycle in real time and stop it before it spirals so repair becomes repeatable, not just a one-time thing.
Here's what you get:
āļø 3 in-depth video modules with Clint and Calli guiding you through the exact framework they use in their own 20+ year marriage (and with the couples they coach)
āļø Welcome and closing videos to ground you in the work and honor the courage it takes to show up
āļø 3 accompanying workbooks (one for each module) with reflection prompts, tools, and frameworks you can return to again and again
āļø The Repair Triangle ToolĀ a simple, powerful structure for coming back together after conflict
āļø The 5-Step Cycle Mapping PracticeĀ so you can identify your pattern and interrupt it before it runs you
āļø Real language examples of what repair sounds like (and what shuts it down)
āļø 12 months of access so you can revisit the content whenever you need it because healing isn't linear
The mini course is for you if:
ā You keep having the same fight and don't know how to break the pattern
ā Things feel fragile after conflict like one wrong move could shatter everything
ā You or your partner shut down, get defensive, or go silent when things get hard
ā You're tired of walking on eggshells or feeling invisible in your own relationship
ā You want to stop abandoning yourself just to keep the peace
ā You're ready to learn what repair actually looks like (because no one ever showed you)
ā You're willing to turn toward each other even when it's messy and uncomfortable
The mini course is NOT for you if:
ā You're looking for a quick fix or magic words that solve everything overnight
ā You're not willing to look inward at your own patterns and younger parts
ā You're in an actively abusive relationship (this work requires mutual safety and willingness)
ā You want to blame your partner and be told you're "right"
ā You're not ready to honor that healing is uncomfortable and sometimes slow
Why this approach works:
Most relationship advice tells you what to do: "Use I-statements." "Don't raise your voice." "Take a timeout."
But if your nervous system is flooded, if your body feels unsafe, if a younger part of you is activated and convinced you're about to be abandoned or blamed -Ā those tips don't work.
That's why this course starts with the nervous system first.Ā We teach you why you react the way you do. What's really happening underneath the fight. How to recognize when you're speaking from protection vs. pain.
Because when you understand the why, the how starts to make sense.
And when you can name the part that's activated, soothe your body, and speak from the tender place underneath -Ā repair becomes possible.
Not perfect. Not instant. But possible.Ā And possibility is where healing begins.
Special Offer: $47 (Full value $97)
YES, GIVE ME INSTANT ACCESS FOR $47
About Clint and CalliĀ
We're licensed therapist and trauma-informed relationship coaches who have been married for over 20 years and we're still figuring it out sometimes.
We've navigated our own separation and reconciliation. We've done the hard work of mapping our cycles, meeting our younger parts, and learning how to repair when things get messy.
We're passionate about helping couples move from stuck to connected, not through perfection, but through presence.
Our work is rooted in:
- Attachment theory
- Nervous system regulation
- Internal Family Systems (IFS) and parts work
- Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) principles
- Our own lived experience
We don't teach from theory. We teach from the scar, not the wound.
And we're honored to walk this path with you
The argument about the text? It's not really about the text.
It's about the part of you that got left waiting as a kid. The part that still carries the story: Again, I don't matter.
And maybe your partner's story sounds like: I can never do enough. I'm always in trouble. I'm such a failure.
So their protection kicks in. They shut down. Get logical. Act like they don't care, even though they do.
And suddenly, it's not just a disagreement.
It's two nervous systems fighting for survival.
Here's what happens when you enroll:
Step 1: You'll get instant access to the entire course welcome video, all 3 modules, workbooks, and closing video
Step 2: You and your partner (or just you, if you're starting solo) watch the modules at your own pace
Step 3: You use the workbooks to map your specific cycle, practice the Repair Triangle, and build awareness of your protective parts
Step 4: You start noticing the pattern before it hijacks you and you interrupt it with presence, not perfection
Step 5: Repair becomes repeatable. Not flawless, but possible. And that changes everything.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can I take this course alone, or does my partner need to do it with me?
What if my partner won't do this with me?
How long does the course take?
Is this course faith based or clinical?
What if we're past the point of repair?
Do you offer refunds?
Will this fix our relationship?
The cost of staying stuck
Let's be honest about what happens if nothing changes.
If you keep having the same fight, the disconnection will grow. The resentment will build. The part of you that feels invisible will start to believe: Maybe this is just how it is. Maybe we're too far gone.
And your partner? They'll keep feeling like they can never do enough. Like they're always failing. Like closeness is dangerous.
You'll both keep protecting instead of connecting.
And one day, you'll wake up and realize you're living with a stranger.
Or, you could learn how to repair
How to come back to each other. How to build a relationship where conflict doesn't mean catastrophe it means growth.
Where you don't have to be perfect to be loved.
Where your needs matter.
Where repair is possible.
For $47, you get 12 months of access to the exact framework that helps couples move from shutdown to connection.
That's less than two therapy sessions and you can revisit this content whenever you need it.
You're allowed to want this
You're allowed to want a relationship where you feel seen.
You're allowed to want repair that doesn't feel performative.
You're allowed to want to stop abandoning yourself just to keep the peace.
You're allowed to believe that love doesn't have to feel like survival.
You're not asking for too much.
Repair is possible. And it starts here
YES, GIVE ME INSTANT ACCESS FOR $47
Enroll in "It's Not the Fight, It's the Repair"
$47 - 12 Months of Access
What's included:
- 3 in-depth video modules + welcome & closing videos
- 3 accompanying workbooks with tools and reflection prompts
- The Repair Triangle framework
- The 5-Step Cycle Mapping Practice
- Real repair language examples
- Instant access to all content
- 12 months to revisit as often as you need
Just by being here, you're already changing the cycle.
Keep going. You're doing brave, good work.
With care,
Clint and Calli
P.S.Ā Repair doesn't mean erasing the hard moments. It means coming back to each other again and again. It means knowing that when things get messy, you don't have to disappear. You can stay present. You can come back. You can start again. And that's not weakness, that's relationship strength.
